When I turned 19...

This is not how I expected my life to be, last year everything was so different. Last year I was still looking for a boyfriend. I was still 18 and innocent and I was so excited and waiting for thrill or I don't remember to be honest, all I know is that I was different.

When I turned 19 everything changed, I decided to do everything to make up for my high school days. It is my last year being a teen and I wanted to make the most of it. Well I definitely did that! I did everything everyone did at 16 or throughout high school in one year, I rushed everything. I went all out and didn't say no to anything.

Now look where it lead me. I've lied, snuck out, made mistakes and became reckless but this is not me. I wanted to become a better version of myself not lose control and become someone completely different. I don't want to be that girl, I early became someone I knew I would hate. I don't want to be young and reckless and living the yolo life. I want to be in control of myself, I wanted to mature and become independent.

I tried to be a version of myself, I am so embarrassed I could be that kind of person. Where I just lost control, didn't say no and went ahead full frontal.

I decided to take a hault on my life and stop. I gave up on drinking because I chose not to be reckless and out of control. I tried it, I got drunk and I did something so stupid. Until now I still have a piercing pain in my heart, full of guilt and regrets,, I didn't want to live a life of regrets. I used to say that I have no regrets but that night I wish I could go back and erase. So far even if people say that I can learn from it, I have but it hurts knowing that's I did what I did.

I'm sorry I can't mention what I did or give a description. I just want to show people that whatever you do when you're drunk is not something you should be proud of really, it's not something you should show off unless you really want to, but my lesson is to not rush things at all, to learn from your mistakes and have self-control.