Something Perfect

I dream of something perfect

Something so surreal it will make me wonder 

What did I do to deserve this 

Everyone gets what they deserve 

It's never and if but when

When it happens you know its worth it 

When you get there you'll now it happened for a reason

Until now I still believe and will always believe

Everything happens for a reason 

It might be the wrong time or the right time

But we all know it doesn't just come out of nowhere 

We know that it was meant to be 

Midnight Thoughts

I wish someone would reply back to me

I want a message, a sign, an answer, anything really

To make this feeling go away

To make everything okay

I could write everything I think

Everything I feel

But then I have to sleep soon

Also my wrists will hurt

I will damage my wrists by typing too much about my feelings than for academic reasons

Oh damn this life

I love my life, don’t get me wrong

But there are so many things I want to do but I am not able to do

I’m still not strong enough

I am still weak

I am not there yet

Does this mean I haven’t worked hard enough?

Does this mean I am lazy?

What do I have to do?

Do I do it on my own?

Do I seek for help?

This is life is crazy

But I can cope with it

I can manage

You Control Your Life

It doesn't work that way they say.
Then how does it work?
Teach me.
We fall into traps, we fall into situations.
We think there's no way out.
But there always is.
It can be extreme and unbearable.
How do we make a decision nowadays?
Do we go ahead and not think?
Do we follow religion?
Do we follow society?
Life can be so confusing.
But it's up to us,
We control our lives.

People judging you, people watching you.
How do you know what's right anymore?
Who dictates what you do?
You do right?
Once you do something out of the extraordinary.
That's it.
It is your life.
You are in control.

Spoken Word Poetry

Here is the piece me and my friend performed for our final exam for our Oral Communication class. It is not complete yet, it is still missing the last paragraph. Enjoy!

Pain. Suffering. Its ok.

High school. College.

Stepping stones.

Learning this and that

It’s ok

I was that girl

Afraid. Weak. Fragile.

I chose this life.

I wanted this life

I was hurt, broken and gave up many times
But God helped me
I prayed for strength
And every time I got thrown to the ground
But I am here
Standing strong

From friends to family
Who all tore my heart and left me
with loneliness
I stood up
And I wiped away my tears

Maybe I didn’t try too hard.

You know, how you look at things like they could’ve been way better

But they’re not

That’s how I look at my life
Maybe I didn’t sleep enough when I needed to
Or ate enough vegetables when my mom told me to
‘Cause every time I look at myself,
I see something not worthwhile
I needed people to tell me I was worth something
But they didn’t
I didn’t hold it against them, though
Maybe I just wasn’t worth it.

So I watched
I watched everyone’s life go by
While I sat at the sidelines admiring them
And hoping that someday that would be me
It was like I was in a car that’s heading somewhere I don’t know
I was growing old but I wasn’t growing up
I tottered on safe sidewalks while people around me took leaps of faith

Then I was tired.
I was tired of watching
So I stood up and without a second thought,

I leaped.
I leaped into my life and took it on headfirst
I wasn’t the passenger anymore, I was the driver
And I liked it.

I was going to places I’ve never been to before
With an ounce of fear and a couple more ounces of faith
This is my life

So here I am searching for myself
I am happy right now I can feel myself missing my time here
Nothings bringing me down no ones stopping me
I am that girl running free
I got what I wanted
I’m away from those silly arguments, negative atmospheres and problems here and there
Now I’m surrounded by happy joyful people, full of positive vibes
It doesn’t hurt anymore
I love this freedom, I love my life
I made this decision and I am living it the way I wanted it
Yes it’s hard, yes it hurts
Away from family, away from friends but I made this sacrifice, I made this decision
All I see right now is New York
Being here is a stepping stone
I live a life with no regrets, either it happened for a reason or it is a lesson learned
I will always bring this with me

But I’m not done yet

I've made my decision.
I don't let the days pass me by anymore.
I have one life
One chance
A lot of things might stop me
People telling me I'm crazy enough to do the things I do
I let go when everybody told me to hold on
I try my best to fight
I open up my eyes to sky to find my way
I fight for the better days

The road I chose is tough
And it takes a toll on me
When that happens I pray
I pray for the heavens to remind me
Of the dream that I protect with all my heart
The dream that would someday be mine

I'm still young
And my dream could be ruled out as a mere fantasy
Something impossible
I've listen to the voices around me
They have swayed me to their direction long enough
But now I stand my ground
My dream
It's once in a lifetime

I leaped.
I leaped into my life and took it on headfirst
I wasn’t the passenger anymore, I was the driver
And I liked it.

I was going to places I’ve never been to before
With an ounce of fear and a couple more ounces of faith
This is my life

We all have a dream
And I am scared as hell for mine
Sometimes I feel like it will never become reality
But I say to myself, New York I will see you soon
I will be there I say to myself
Chasing celebrities, attending events
I will be further away from family, making new friends But it’s ok
I want to be walking the streets of New York, working and living that kind of life
No one controlling me or holding me back or telling me what to do
I want that glamorous life
Yes it’s hard, trust me everyone’s told me
But I want it so bad, I imagine my life every time
And yes, I picture myself in New York

People tried to stop me before
But here I am, I fought for this life
I can smile every time
I am eager

It might take a while but I know I'll get there

I want to be where my heart is.

I may trek this journey alone

I may be lost in translation

But that's fine by me

I don't expect a bed of roses to meet me

Life is difficult

But it is never impossible.

The worst might come my way

The disappointments and the heartache

But I'll survive

I have to get my heart somehow.

It left without me,

And it's just waiting

Waiting for me to make a move

So here I am

Doing everything for the reunion I've often dreamed of

To be where my heart has always been.

Let Me Go

I'm hurt
By all this controlling and judging
If I want to do something
Why can't I?
Why do I have to be stopped?
I want to work on myself
Barriers here and there
Give me space and freedom
Let me run wild and free
Let me experience all of this
Let me get hurt
From life and not from you
It's ok
I will get somewhere
It's better to make mistakes, get hurt, be emabrassed
Do you know why?
Would you rather experience rather than lie awake and imagine
Dream about what it would have been like
I don't want this life
I want an escape
I want to go
I want to go
Here, there, everywhere

I won't stand long with you
I won't stand long with your barriers
I won't stand long with your control
Protect me, sure why not?
Want me to be happy?
Let me go!
Let me be!
It's scarey out there, I know!
I can see
But tie me up even more
And I will run further
I will fight harder
I will cry rivers
Maybe even my heart will cry
Because you know what?
I am enjoying this freedom
I can breathe!
I can see!
All the beautiful painful things in life
I am not embarassed
I want an escape
I want to go
I want to go
Here, there, everywhere

Please just let me be
Please let me see for myself
I know it's scarey
How did you live your life?
At home too?
Watching tv, eating, dreaming, imagining?
Was it fun?
Should I do this for the rest of my life?
Will you watch me?
Sure, you will see the pain, I promise you.
I want an escape
I want to go
I want to go
Here, there, everywhere

One Last Time

Just once and never again
There's a reason
But what reason
You were unexpected and you shocked me
Made me lose control
I just couldn't say no
Your age, height, moves
I didn't care
But why? 
Out of all those I've met
You saw me, vulnerable, in a mess
And out of control
I didn't stop
You were in control
But does it end there?

Posted via Blogaway

Everything Life

Clogged with work,
Clogged with worry.
Just hope and dreams.
Hope from you,
Dreams from the future;
Two intertwined
Running through my veins.

I wish I made sense.
I wish I knew my way
Around the confusions of life.

I won't complicate things
Neither will you ever know.
It isn't what they think it is.
Know one knows,
I'll just live as it comes.

Prayer, strength and unidentified motivation
Is all I have right now!

Everything Life

Clogged with work,
Clogged with worry.
Just hope and dreams.
Hope from you,
Dreams from the future;
Two intertwined
Running through my veins.

I wish I made sense.
I wish I knew my way
Around the confusions of life.

I won't complicate things
Neither will you ever know.
It isn't what they think it is.
Know one knows,
I'll just live as it comes.

Prayer, strength and unidentified motivation
Is all I have right now!

For A Friend

As you weep
As you cry
As you tumble down and die
Look around
And hear the sounds.

Those who stare
Those who care
Those who won't go anywhere.

Open your heart
Open your mind
Arms wide open.

This is your token.
Only love, love, love.

God Knows Best

I'm not inspired
I'm bored
But I'm longing for something
Something to take me away
Something to brighten up my day
Turn dreams into reality
Turn you and me into us

But I'm not hoping
I'm waiting
For a promise with God
Is a promise granted for sure

It's upto God , it's upto Him
No questions asked
No doubts just signs

He knows what's best
I know what's right
He has a plan
I'm here just waiting

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This Time

Lets not waste time
Lets not waste this
For this time lasts forever
And you know that's all
For our worlds cross once
And never again baby

It's just not right
But you know it feels good
A one sided crush
And never again baby

It feels real, but dreams feel real
So it's only a dream
But for me I want it bad
Just you and me this time
For our worlds cross once
And never again baby

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The Past

The past still haunts me
The past wont go away
Maybe there's a reason for my actions
These feelings won't go away
These feelings have stayed
No matter how long we haven't seen each other

It always comes back
My feelings remain
But I'm just a shadow to you
Nothing more nothing less

You will always be just an image in my head
Even though in reality you are real
But in reality you are not mine

I admitted my feelings before
But I won't admit it again
If we're meant to be that time will come

But I can wait and I will wait
Or I will just remain a shadow to you
And you will remain just as an image to me

04/25/13

Thank You

Lets just be close and share everything
Lets just be close and share secrets
It was just a lie

Why? Was it not enough to have someone close
Why? Was it not enough to have someone there for you

But you betrayed me
You showed your true colours
But that's ok...

Good luck to the people who will not tolerate you
Good luck to the people who won't accept your attitude

May the pain and suffering you have clouded upon me be karma to your attitude
May it teach you a lesson but make me stronger as a person

02/09/13

My Friend

My backbone, my other half
You are my friend
Who stood by me since day one
You always had my back
It is not easy but yet we are happy

Through the hard times, fun times, depressing times
It was no one but you who experienced this with me

So now a few years later and we are where we are
Who we want to be
Happy with our lives

We move on from high school
Move on from the past
Make new experiences but have no regrets

But you my friend will always be my friend
My back bone, my life
You are my friend

03/14/13

Then Now and Forever

It was I who had that dream
It was you who had that other dream

It was I who went away
It was you who stayed

It was I carrying the ring
It was you wearing the ring

It was us who came together
It was us who never stopped
It was us who completed eachother

It is us then now and forever


Lately I've been so exposed to weddings that even I have fantasies about getting married. I too am so excited to one day be walking down the aisle looking my prettiest. I'm already excited eventhough I've never been in a proper relationship before. But hey! Theres nothing wrong with dreaming and hoping!

02/17/13

I wonder...

It makes me wonder

What can you write?...
If you have nothing to write
If you have no social life
If you have no inspiration

It makes me wonder
Will people still read
Will people be interested

So here I lay just thinking

I wonder...

Second Time Around

Second time around
Lets go round in circles
Lets keep on going
Even if your brain
Goes round and round
Even if it hurts
But this is it
The only way is forward

Second time around
Lets take those lessons
Lets use them
Even if your brain
Goes round and round
But there's no way out
The only way is forward

Soaring High

And she's here
And she's there
Flying, floating, waiting
If only that one guy knew
If only he could see
She doesn't sleep
You contaminate her
Without her knowing
Just one touch
Just one kiss
That's enough to send her

Soaring high...

For the Love of Family

And I only know one love

To love deeply and unconditionally

It happens, right befor your eyes

Now its my family, I love


Not those who were once strangers

Not those who just appeared

But those who came and never left

But those who stayed and never turned around

Now its my family, I love


I will never feel something missing

Because everything's here

The love that my heart holds

Is nothing compared to others

Now its my family, I love


So here I am crying my eyes out. Why do I always look for a boyfriend. A boy that can love me. Why do I always look for a boyfriend. A boy that can love me. Why do I always look for inspiration? Speaking to my grandma on the phone made me feel so loved. Through everything I've been through my friends have been there but my grandma has been there as a role model as someone who has never given up on me. She keeps me going. She keeps me strong. You know that feeling where someone loves you so much that you don't know what to do in return. That when a loved one gets hurt all you care about is that they will be ok and happy. And your views about that person who hurt your loved one deeply has changed so deeply.

There is one thing I've learnt about being in the Philippines and that is the value of family. I thought about myself and now all I think about is them. I don't like seeing my sister get hurt or hear my grandma crying. I want to do so many things I don't want anyone involved. Sometimes you don't know who you can trust. Sometimes you don't know who's really there.

I want to save them from the pain. I want to be there and make everything ok.

My Sister and I

My sister and I...don't always get along

One quiet, one loud

Both weak but strong

My sister and I...use to hate each other

Separated, far far away

Together we grow strong

My sister and I...oh how I miss her

You know that feeling where you have so much anger you just want to hit something. I feel that. It runs through my vains, through to the very tip of my nerves. I was once friends with the enemy and now all hell breaks lose. People will get what they deserve. People will learn there lessons.


"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." 
James Russell Lowell 
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