First Few Months

So its been the third month of the year and I am already tired of all the drama that has been thrown at me. It's not even half way through the year but I have learned so much. I have somehow managed to survive these few months.

I've lost friends , lost trust and lost hope. All of these has taught me something new, sadly learning them the hard way. I realized who my real friends are and I finally proved that it is not about the quantity but the quality of a friendship. I eventually opened my eyes to the fact that it really isn't about having loads of friends. It is best to just have a few friends and focus on them, building a stronger relationship with them.

All of this showed me that I should be more cautious with who I tell things to; not everyone needs to know you story because sometimes they're just there for the gossip.

I never thought I would lose trust in people, I've lost the trust in people and it really is hard to go back. It is hard to gain someone's trust. After my trust was broken by a lot of people I have now started to build a wall. I've finally built a wall so that not everyone can get through. I want to protect myself and make sure the same thing doesn't happen twice. I want to make sure I won't go back t the things that have hurt me. Once the damage is done, there's no going back.

Then there's hope, I hung onto a rope hoping one day I would reach the top. However, someone let go of that rope. I tried so hard to climb up the rope and even though my hands were giving up I hung on. Now I know that's not how it should have been. If someone wanted me to reach the top the would have pulled me up up and saved me. They would have never allowed me to hang onto a rope in the first place.

From this I've learned that if someone wants you in their life they will allow you without even asking. You will always have space for that special someone but sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're not not the one for them and they're not the one for you. That's okay, that's how we learn. We get pushed down and our eyes are opened to reality. It's not all about rainbows and butterflies, it's about how you survive through the rain, thunder, storm and lightning that attack you all at once.

 I am proud of myself, sometimes I don't even know how I get through all of this. There were times I just wanted to hide and disappear but after realizing that I got this far, I stood back up again. I am done crying and moping around, I won't allow anyone to bring me down especially if it's not worth my time.

Everyone's time is precious no matter who you are so I guess it's best to spend it wisely. Hang out with friends and family, do what you want and keep on thinking positive even if you're looking into a black hole. It might not get you anywhere but it will keep you going.

Hope is like strings holding you up like a puppet, even if you didn't want to stand up, you're forced to stand up anyway. Give yourself no choice but to keep on going.