You Control Your Life

It doesn't work that way they say.
Then how does it work?
Teach me.
We fall into traps, we fall into situations.
We think there's no way out.
But there always is.
It can be extreme and unbearable.
How do we make a decision nowadays?
Do we go ahead and not think?
Do we follow religion?
Do we follow society?
Life can be so confusing.
But it's up to us,
We control our lives.

People judging you, people watching you.
How do you know what's right anymore?
Who dictates what you do?
You do right?
Once you do something out of the extraordinary.
That's it.
It is your life.
You are in control.

Top 3 Questions People Ask Me

1. Many people ask if you could change the past what would you change? 
Well my answer is nothing. I would change nothing.  If I could compare my life now to back in the past I would pick this life every single time. 

I have matured, grown and learned so much.  I have become brave and stronger.  I forgot to say no and I am willing to do anything and go anywhere because I know whatever I do in life I will always get something from it. Even the most painful downfalls in life have taught me something.  Even my embarrassing moments have played a part in becoming a stronger woman. 

I love my life and I never know how to express it or show it. I have found so many things to smile and live for. I have made numerous amount of friends, boys and girls.  I continue to learn from all of them. I am open to making even more friends. 

2. Do you have a boyfriend and why don't you have one?
Here's my answer: "I don't know."
I talk to guys, I have guy friends and my friends introduce me to theirs whenever they can.

Can this question ever be answered?  Is it my fault I don't have a boyfriend?  I'm friendly amd approachable. Why do I always feel so pressured into having a boyfriend.  It gets tiring after a while when that is one of the main topic people like to talk to me about. 

Not only is this question asked they even try to figure out why? Some think its because of my skin colour but the majority think its because I speak in English.  They think that the guys here are intimidated by me when I speak in English. 

3. Why did I study in the Philippines? 
Only those who have grown up with me and who have been with me from the start.  They're the ones that know the real reason.  They witnessed what my life was like actually they lived it with me. Only they would know and understand. 

Whenever I get asked this question either I will tell them; its cheaper here; I love it here or I hate it in England. These are true but they're  the additional reasons.  These are the minor reasons.  Some have guessed that there are more reasons than this. But even if I do tell them the bottom of the story they will never get it and plus it would mean I would have to tell them my whole life story.  I don't think everyone wants to know,  I don't think they need to know. 

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Life Is A Thrill

Is it a mistake if you've seen someone do it and got away with it? Should we be blamed for doing things other people have done? If they made mistakes then so can we? It's just taking steps in life but in your own shoes.

High school was just a stepping stone. Everything I did I did outside of high school.  That shy girl who hid behind bushes, cried and spoke to no one.  She changed. Its still her but an improved version.  She saw the world differently and enjoyed it.

What happened to me? I enjoy my life and I seek for more.  I haven't done a lot,  I've just had a taste of life but boy do I want more. I want it all. Just being exposed to freedom has made me fall in love with life and myself.  I'm finally growing up. I'm finally learning.  Life is such a thrill, this is not enough. I won't stop here I want more and more every time. 

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Not Yet Finished

The Filipino culture is so different to the culture here in England. Before I did not know where I fit in and I thought that I was the odd one out here, until I stayed in the Philippines.  I realized there I was seen as the liberated one. I was the one open to sex. I was the one that knew more about sex than than those who are in a relationship.

It's great to be exposed to different cultures but then I came back and remembered, I grew up here.  I was raised and molded into the person I am today because of England. I spent sixteen years here and I will never deny the fact that it is a part of who I am today. 

If it wasn't for me hating it here I would have never left,  I would have never realized how much I appreciated that its ok to be here.  It doesn't kill to be in England.  I think all it needed was for me to find the right people to spend it with.  I think all it needed was for me to find the right places to go to. 
However my summer has not yet ended and so I plan on taking it day by day. I want to make the most of it, so far I am having the time of my life! 

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Scotland Again and Again

I love Scotland! After the many times that I have been there I can never get enough of it. I absolutely love the city, no matter where I am in the world; full of life and tall buildings and lights. Edinburgh has the most amazing view, with all the pretty trees and nature. The buildings are different from the office buildings and skyscraper buildings you get in your average city. Edinburgh is full of castles and unique buildings, with ancient designs.

The weather however is different to the British weather, I much prefer it actually. Even though the sun is out you still get a cold breeze which is refreshing at first. I prefer this to the weather in the Philippines where it is hot and humid all at the same time.

Staying over night in Edinburgh was not enough, although there is not much to do apart from visit castles and enjoy the scenery. There is a tour bus and the best bit for me is shopping, though this time I didn't actually get to go shopping.

The castle that we visited (I forgot the name), was boring the second time around and I was able to realize that I prefer the Tower of London or the palaces in London. The castle was open and big where it is all separated so you would have to go from building to building. We didn't have a tour guide instead we used the audio guides to help us, half the time I wasn't really listening. I wouldn't go back there again but it was very interesting and exciting to be able to roam around the castle.

Mistakes or Rather Things That Catch People's Attention

We all make our mistakes whether we are drunk or sober. Sometimes there really is no excuse and you just have to bow down and apologize to make things better. Why make things go round in circles when you can just own up to it and then learn from your mistakes. Even though at the time, what you were doing just didn't come across that it would be bad or hurt others.

I didn't expect to learn from the hard way, I didn't expect I would do something that would change other people's views of me. I told my friend that what most teens were doing back in high school, I'm only doing now at the age of nineteen. One of the reasons why I enjoy my age right now is because I've been able to do things I wouldn't have done in the past. I've suddenly let loose and lost control. It feels so good and at times so right. I keep on saying it won't happen again but even that I can't control.

Every mistake or rather to me everything I do that does not come under the "goody two shoes" "shy" "conservative look" makes me look like that girl that went wild. They say it's not like me, they say that my true colours are coming out. For me? Its because we all judge this is a way of people judging me. How do they know that I am not capable? Just because they haven't seen me do it, doesn't mean I am not capable of doing it. I may be the biggest hypocrite right now.

Doing things I don't usually do and doing things that get people's attention makes me finally see that we really shouldn't judge, its not normal to go wild, let loose and do every bad thing out there. However doing these things I guess just happens. We go through these things its life. We all make mistakes and we all become curious. What would our life be if like if we just skipped it. How would we know what's right? Where is the thrill in life?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't want to live in a cage, I don't want to live under control of anyone. I am tired of being that girl who knows nothing. Who knows nothing but the life of Gossip Girl. Doing the things on Gossip Girl doesn't always make you a queen and that kind of life isn't easy, life isn't easy. We have to keep on building ourselves emotionally, we have to be strong and cope up with the things we do.