"I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ give me"- Philippians 4: 13-14 

No Regrets

I guess the most important thing in life is that whatever you do you don't regret. You should just use it to learn; to gain experience and knowledge. I didn't pick the easy way out, though I wanted the easy way out. But no matter what option I pick I know that there will ALWAYS be obstacles. Even though I want to give up, in a way I don't. Even though I just want to sleep through all the hard times and and be awake for the fun times. I know that after all the hard work that's when you feel relieved, when everything seems like the best at that moment in time.

04/28/13

Let's Relive High School?...

So I'm awake at 5am in the morning to study maths and I'm feeling emotional.  I want to go back to bed right now but my grade really needs to go up. Anyways I was thinking about high school.  I miss it, I want to go back. I can imagine going back to my high school but it hurts to know that you can never relive high school. High school is now "once upon a time..." it was and never will be again. As much as you want to go back, as much as you realize how easy it was even if I was the invisible one, the one no one knew.  Everything was easier; you had problems with friends and not problems about life where you are so close to destroying your records because you have failing grades. And you might not get accepted.  But this shouldn't stop anyone from continuing.

Life is full of challenges,  you are WEAK if you don't face them.

The Power of Gadgets

From a Nokia to a Motorollo to a Sony Ericsson to an Iphone and now to a Samsumg S3 Mini. I've never really been upto date with all the latest gadgets. I only came into contact or rather first owned an Iphone when the iphone 5 came out. It was passed down from my cousin but the condition was great! It didn't have scratches all over it and it didn't look like trash.  However while everyone was using front cameras to take pics of themselves I was left behind. But I wasn't left out,   not all my friends had an Iphone or even a nice phone.

The good thing about UST is that there is no competition with who gets the latest gadget so I never feel pressured.

A week ago while my auntie was driving me home she told that she bought me a new phone and that I was on plan. Which is a contract back in England.  I was happy that finally I wont have to worry about having load (credit) on m phone. Also my phone now has internet on my so wherever I go I dont have to worry about finding a place with wifi. Wherever I go I can keep in contact with family and friends using whats app as I will have I internet everywhere!

The Samsung S3 Mini has a great camera I love it!! And its slim! But im finding it hard to text and type I miss the old phones where it was easy and fun to text with. Im getting used too it but I much prefer texting with the older phones.  However I love instagram and blogging and Facebook and Twitter and whats app that I feel like I cant live without my phone.

I can live without all of this but every time I feel like I am not upto date with what is happening I feel like I am hiding in a cave. How can you be informed or know what is happening without all these gadgets. I experienced living without it and it was weird. You dont know what people are talking about you dont know what is going on. As a journalist student I need to know and be updated with everything otherwise it ia difficult;  why would I even take up this course if I didnt know or want to know anything going on around me.

I try to keep updated by reading CNN as often as I can and obviously through twitter and Facebook.

Life. God. Blessings. Challenges. Dreams.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with one of my friends and it was about God. She mentioned how she had become an agnostic before. When we had our philosophy class in our first year, a lot of what we learned was mainly about the existence of God. I remember we even had a classmate who did not like the class as it was making her question her faith and she did not like this. For me whenever I come across situations like this I feel like it makes me become stronger in my faith. It tests me on whether or not I will be tempted, I am NOT tempted. There were times before when I didn't think about God in my everyday life, this was through high school. However through high school was where I really did experience God and really felt that he did not sleep during my times of need, he really was there for me.

I wanted to become a stronger person and so I asked and prayed hard for strength. Then I was faced with many things throughout high school that had teared me to pieces. But then I prayed even harder for strength. I realized then that this was the answer to my prayers. Having situations like this I was able to rise from them, which made me become stronger as a person. The only way you can become stronger is if you are weak. If you are weak and are faced with situations in your life that can break you, you take it on. You take on the challenges of life and keep on going. You do not give up, turn around, stop living; you carry on, keep moving forward and never STOP. 

What will you do if you give up? Is everything handed to you just like that? No. Is it easy as getting your phone from the side table when you wake up in the morning? No. You have to stretch, you have to move. Even if you are tired, you still get it right? Because you want to. Because there might be something on facebook that you want to see or a text that you've been waiting for. There is always something at the end. You will miss it if you give up.

What will happen to you if you turn around? You would have just wasted your time getting to where you are today. Life doesn't move from the present to the past it moves from the present to future, so why turn around? Life doesn't move backwards. The past happened for a reason. Why would the past happen anyways? There is always a reason.

Do you really stop living? Should you stop living? For me many say that I am weak? But am I? 

I came to the Philippines with many expectations but my expectations did not reach my satisfactory level. It wasn't all paradise and rainbows and everything colourful. But I had a dream and I wanted a dream. I am only moving in one direction and that is towards my dream.

There a millions of obstacles. But I know that. I don't care about it. There are loads of negative things in my life, but I look at the positive. There are many who judge and have opinions on my life. But that's ok. I am working for my dreams and for my success, they are just another stepping stone in my life. They are there for a reason the reason is so that I can turn around and show them they are wrong. 

People can say whatever they want and it hurts so bad. However in my mind it is just my dream. My dream is glued to my head and that is all I move forward to. I have family and friends who believe and support me. Isn't that all I need. God has never left me alone so why should I feel alone? Why should I not recognize those who are there for me. I recognize and appreciate those who are in my life, they are a blessing. I never forget that. 

Life. What is it to me? An 18 year old who doesn't know much who has just completed her 1st year of college, not in good terms but has been given another chance. I don't know what life is, but I know that part of it is not giving up. It is about accepting the challenges in life. 

But for me it is about God. God is the center of it all. In the end he is who I always turn to. As long as I have God with me, I know that my dream gets closer and closer. 

I have never stopped believing. My belief in God becomes stronger the more I am tested. I don't think negative, why should I? 

Something Good at the End

Its been a while since I've updated my blog seeing as summer class has taken away my actual summer. Though so far it has been a great summer!  This is the 1st summer I've spent everyday with my friends and its been so much fun. Everyday after school when I don't have quizzes to study for we will look for a shaded place to stay. Usually it will be the lovers lane where it is full of trees and is surrounded by grass.  We will spend our time just talking about anything, for me it's better than going back to the dorm where it's hot and on top of that I have no one to talk to. Usually we spend 3 hours doing this. But before all of this we have a snack; for me I stick to a Hawaiian snack called spam musubi.  It is Japanese rice with spam wrapped with nori. Its the best snack ever ever and it's so addictive. My friends will usually stick to dirty ice cream here at UST I would prefer something warm and not sweet.  Partly because it will make you even more thirsty.

So that is what I do in my free time, other than that I spend the rest of the time studying maths! I really hope that in the end my hard work pays off, I spend hours and hours trying to solve questions and imagining that I will actually ace the exams. I really do hope so. There are students apparently who are taking it for he THIRD time I honestly will kill myself. I just want to get it over and done with so that I can move on to statistics, though I'm not looking forward to that either.

This coming week I am already dreading it, I have a major exam on monday, a paper to hand in on tuesday and then a quiz on wednesday. I don't know how I will manage. I just want this all to be over. I really wish I did have my summer. I need abit of fun, well I always need fun. Anyways I just hope that in the end something will good will come out of all of this.

For those who appreciate London

Many people ask why I came to the Philippines but I can never really give them a straight answer, because I could say so much. There are tons of reasons some more important and more dominant than the others. But here's one reason. As I was looking at posts of celebrities or bloggers posting their vacation in London it kind of hit me.

Why is it when people to go to England on holiday I get jealous and they seem to have so much fun but when I'm there I feel like I live in a cave. When I go back I really need to do some exploring and appreciate London more.

I grew up in West London, but I never really enjoyed it there. I never really seemed to appreciate where I was born and brought up. London does seem like a really nice place. I did go there a few times (not enough). I remember I would go there if we had to tour family around or me and my friends would sneak off to go to Central London. I never really went there as often as I should of. I never really enjoyed or appreciate London as much as I should have.

When I go back I really want to explore London and really see what other people see. Maybe that's why i hate it there so much, maybe I need to just enjoy it.... and go out more. Here in the Philippines I do get to go around and explore and appreciate everything. But I guess you will never get to appreciate something unless you get to experience it.

England is home, my family are there my close friends are there and I was born and raised there. I was brainwashed to believe London was dangerous and I was never really shown the great parts of it. I just lived there. I went there but I never appreciated. I get jealous and annoyed of those who want to go there so badly. I don't know why maybe because they have pictures of going to all these places but I never really did appreciated London like others do.

I think when I go back I need to somehow go out more often and enjoy the city. I love the city but I never got to experience it like I should.

Kensington High Street, I don't remember what I did here but I'm guessing me and my friend were being adventurous at the time

M&M World before I left 

A trip to a famous park in London 

M&M World a trip with a group of friends before I left for the Philippines

Where I spent my Sweet Sixteen, Planet Hollywood

Above are pictures of the very few times I visited Central London. 

I think my final message is that I need to go out more to appreciate where I came from. I need to do what tourists do and try everything there is to try and do in Central London.

Jammin to Jonas Brothers

Oh Summer, Oh Life

A few more days before I start my summer class. I really am lazy to go back to school, but I really do have to sort out my life. I'm supposed to be picking up my life. I'm actually just sitting here thinking of what I should be doing than doing anything at all. Here I am just listening to music. Anyways it's just one month of class and abit...

Jason Chen or Demi Lovato

The song sounds good by both of them. I like the original song by Demi but Jason Chen has such a great voice I can't pick which seems to be better!

Never Stop Dreaming

This speech was delivered by a La Sallian engineer in one of the graduation ceremonies at the UP College of Engineering.

"Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Record. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito, kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number ka na nagsisimula sa “94”at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong school year at umabot ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.

Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. 12 sa mga ito ay tinamo ng estudyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.

Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap ng ating mga magulang sa pagpapaaral satin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement,o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong makaahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang pakialam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng “Summa Cum Laude”, “Best Thesis Award” at “Leadership Award.” Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng “Hang-on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked-out during his academic stay” award.

Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi ba?

Ayun. Natumbok niyo. Iyun na nga ang dahilan. Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalong lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo “Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba’t kasi ang bobo ko. Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Proctor and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya.”

Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong kasalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na “Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang,” pero alam ba natin talaga ang sinasabi natin?

Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang “TAKE 5 NA KO!!!” o “Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/ Calculus/etc.” Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na namang ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term.

Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko parasa mga estudyanteng lumagpak, muntik-muntikan nang masipa o yung sa lahat ng paraang pwede,ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na harapin pa rinang mundo kahit alam mong hindi ito magiging patas sa iyo. Saludo ako na kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.

Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo namang may patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron?

Maaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e ba’t titigilan niyo yung pagti-tiyaga ngayon?

Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sisipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang.

Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako.

I’ve been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na ang umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na ang masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante.

Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na maybagsak na naman ako. Kaya alamko ang pakiramdam ninyo.

Akin ang transcript na ito.

Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, taposaral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako.

This is a rebellion. I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor THAT TOLD ME THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in school or those who gratify the country when it’s supposed to be the graduate’s moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times.
Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin to. Imposibleng hindi."

I wish to inspire. I wish to show people the way. I may not be God but through God's will I want to be a role model. Just like every human out there I am not perfect. My life is where I want it to be but not what I expected. I did come to the Philippines to be free. I did come here for fun. But I never said that I didn't want to graduate. I grew up with steps in my head to how I will reach my goal. Graduating was one of the steps; coming to the Philippines was also one. I was told that I have to go far away so that I will have self-confidence and will break out from my shell. She was right.

I know that I have come so far right now, I know I still have far to go. However if I do compare myself now to before I can really see a big difference. I'm still not there yet, but I continue to strive forward not yet giving up.

My 1st year of college was crazy! I failed subjects, cried nearly every day. But I made it! I finished my 1st year and still have summer class to go. The speech above speaks for me! Describes how I feel and I just love it! It lets me know that I really do have hope. Yesterday I read a post by one of my classmates who will no longer return to our 2nd year, I thought I would be in his position. I thought I would be the one posting on fb a long note to all my classmates.

I was just one subject away from being kicked out, I am not happy with it. I am relieved but not relieved enough. But I don't want to stop, in fact I have decided to take up my masters. It made me want to prove that I can do this, I can study. I want to show people just because I was pulled down, it means nothing. It really does mean that I will pick myself up again.

I do not wish to give up, it was never in my mind to do this. Instead I will work even harder this time.

Movies Movies Movies

So in two days I've watched six movies. But no my eyes do not hurt, and no I enjoyed and do not regret a single bit of it.
1. 40 Year Old Virgin
2. TED
3. Playing For Keeps
4. Tonight You're Mine
5. House At The End of The Street
6. Chinese Zodiac

Loved every single one of these movies! My most favourite would have to be 40 Year Old Virgin, it was super hilarious. It was a light hearted and a hilarious movie! There was no dull moment and the cast were very well picked. It made me appreciate Steve Carell's acting. I was not a fan of him until I watched this movie. I found him very weird in Bruce Almighty, but in this movie I actually managed to have a laugh!

Second best was TED I loved the teddy bear! I wish I had a bear like that. Even though he did smoke drugs and swear a lot it did not bother me. This movie was a rom-com with an added twist...the teddy bear. It's not like every other rom-com where it's just about love love love between the pair, they added a bear. It made it more fun to watch.

The third top movie would have to be Chinese Zodiac. I am a huge fan of Jackie Chan, I grew up watching his movies. This movie was great! It had the action and the comedy in it and it was perfect. I did get a bit confused I think that was just me though...

Last one would have to be House At The End of The Street. I only started to watch and get used to watching horror movies in the Philippines. This movie was not scarey however it did make me jump! What I liked about the movie is the story.  How there was a puzzle to solve, and it really made me think. I loved the suspense of the movie! Whoever thought of it was a genius!

The two other movies; Tonight You're Mine and Playing For Keeps. Tonight You're Mine was an ok movie, I plan on watching this movie again to maybe appreciate it a bit more, partly because half the time I could not understand what they were saying. But it seemed good, it's the usual. Boy and girl love hate relationship, falls in love have a fight breaks up and then they get back together again. The only reason I like to watch movies like this because it just makes me feel that love exists or there are so many love stories out, they're all the same. That's why we too have our own love story.

Playing For Keeps, don't know what to say about this movie, it was an okay movie, Gerald Butler looked horrible, (usually he's super hot). The movie was sweet, it was about family so many could relate. If only those stories where real, maybe I just haven't seen one yet. It is a story a father who is not close to his son and so as he sees him more often he gets back his sons love and becomes close with him. In the end he can no longer leave him and chooses his family over a very good career opportunity.