Alone But Happy

I'm finally comfortable being alone.  I never thought I would ever reach this stage. I don't feel scared anymore and I actually like being alone.

Posted via Blogaway

One Last Time

Just once and never again
There's a reason
But what reason
You were unexpected and you shocked me
Made me lose control
I just couldn't say no
Your age, height, moves
I didn't care
But why? 
Out of all those I've met
You saw me, vulnerable, in a mess
And out of control
I didn't stop
You were in control
But does it end there?

Posted via Blogaway

Love Doesn't Exist

Sadly my brain is programmed to live a life just like the movies. I believe in fairytales and happy endings.  Just writing this is making me cry. We believe in it so easily, this is all we look for in life. We have to grow up, I have to grow up. I will always believe in happy endings and fairy tales, though not everyone has theirs. Its so beautiful and amazing in the movies, if it exists there why can't we make it happen too? Why can't we make our lives into movies?

I hurt myself over thinking about love.  Actually I'm fine being single but everyday I wake up being reminded that I am. I don't need to be reminded.  I'm happy with my life.

I can live with it.

I have lived with it.

I am living with it.

I enjoy being single, why is it a big issue?

I came to the Philippines to work on myself, be more independent and have freedom.  I got it. Its not complete but I'm getting there. I'm even more confident than ever before and I feel it. I want "love" to just leave me for now; my feelings, my emotions. I want to feel like love doesn't exist.  I want to feel like I'm not capable of loving or being loved. Only I can love myself and I refuse to let anyone in.

I want to get rid of the idea and just live my life selfishly.  I want to be selfish and have myself all to myself.  Maybe if I'm strict on myself I will forget about love and I will live a life with no worries.

I want to love myself like I'm the only person I can love. Maybe then this will teach me a lesson.  It will make me respect myself.

Posted via Blogaway

Busy Life

Here's to the busy life I'm experiencing right now. I've been so busy that I have so many things just running through my mind. I am so excited to go back to England to see my friends and family again. My grades is the only thing holding me back. I'm kicking myself in the ass because I badly want to get on the plane back to London. It will be two years since I last saw my family and friends. The next time I will be able to go is in two years. I can not go four years without seeing them.

So far I have experienced so many things and done things for the first time. I've eaten in many different kinds of places, drunk with friends, slept over my friends house, entered a cave, attended two festivals and much more. I don't know how I will tell everyone everything back home. Just to see them and spend time with them is all I wish for.

I am scared right now for my third year, I've been told how hard it is. Right now I feel so tired with everything that's going on, I can't wait for summer already. I don't know how I will cope next sem and I plan on making the most of my time there.