Eleven Sixteen

Its 11:16pm and I’m listening to the song “I wish you would” by Taylor Swift. I’ve been hearing about her album lately and I decided to download it and seeing as I couldn’t really write any articles I decide to just have a sound trip, to relax myself and maybe even reflect on things.

My friend was in my room telling me about her problems. I love it when people do this, I love it when people trust me and open up to me. I know a lot of people have lost trust in me and I guess I’m not that good at giving advice. I’m inexperienced in many ways so I don’t know how to give good advice; my friend is older than me so whatever I say probably won’t do anything but I chose to tell her what I would do in her situation. However, I know that the best thing to do is just to listen and tell her what I think when appropriate.

Today is a Wednesday but it feels like a Friday, it feels like a whole week has passed when it has only been three days of classes. There has been more added to my list of things to do and I don’t know where to start. My mind is just a blur and I want this all to be over, I want to go back to England to see my family. I am truly homesick I don’t know what to do; next year seems so far away. Everything seems so impossible and I am beginning to have negative thoughts about a lot of things. I’m supposed to be optimistic but sometimes it’s so hard, I want to give up a lot of things. I want the days back when everything was so easy! Where problems weren’t life changing, where my mistakes could easily be forgotten and didn’t make a huge impact on my life because of my mistakes, now I am forced to change my ways. I am forced to grow up, accept and move on. But to be honest it is very hard to do all this, it requires all my energy and emotions to get through all of this. 

#TaylorSwift #Time

October 10, 2014

I don't know what to do with my life. I want thrill, I want something different, I don't want to live my life like this. Lately I've missed being touched, I want to be hugged or someone to lay their hands on me.

It was just the other day a friend hugged me from behind and I had goosebumps and my body tingled. I realized, I missed this feeling. I just want to be touched and I want to feel the warmth of someones body against mine and no I am not horny I just miss being hugged.

What has every thing come to? I wanted to live without regrets, but now I already have the question "what-if." I didn't want to but I grew up, I tried to live recklessly it got me here, feeling empty. Now I have stories to tell but not ones I have accepted, I haven't accepted what happened in the past yet, I am making it a memory, a chapter of my life I just want to throw to the back of my mind. 

Everything seems better but I am not going to lie, its still there and now I want to change things. I want to change myself, I want to do it all again. I made my mistakes and learned from them. I got hurt and lost things I didn't think I would lose so soon. 

Life is going to be full of questions, like why do things happen? Why have we met the people we've met? I want the answer, I want to know why, I want to understand. 


#JournalEntry #Diary 

October 4, 2014

It's the memories, all the first times I had. That's the hardest part of moving on; all the memories and images in mt head. How do you forget such beautiful moments in your life. I just want to repeat it all but happiness doesn't always last forever. You'll find happiness with sadness waiting for you at the end. Nothing is perfect, but you so badly want it to be, you cling on to it hoping you can relive those moments or have it with you forever. But it doesn't work like that.

#JournalEntry #Diary 

October 3, 2014

I waste most of time day watching tv shows, talking to people, lying in bed and thinking. I never really live for the present, I'm always thinking about the future. Maybe this is wrong, sometimes you miss out on things sometimes you even forget to appreciate things.

I guess I live for the future because I'm looking got more than what I have right now. Unsatisfied is the word to describe this. Every thing I have right now is nothing I would have expected. I dreamed of something completely different, I imagined something way more than what I have. 

Although I have had fun so far during my stay in the Philippines so far. I have experienced many great things, been to so many different places and made the most amazing friends ever.

The one thing that I truly love about being here in the Philippines is meeting new friends . I don't know what I would do without my friends. The advice they've given me, the memories they've give me, the heart-to-heart conversations and the way they treat me. I am truly blessed, what could I ask for. 


#JournalEntry #Diary 

Review: The Best of Me

 I was so excited to finally get to watch The Best of me, after writing an article on it for one my classes I really wanted to see it for myself. It was said that it would be the next Notebook, after Nicholas Sparks books were made into movies many of them did well. I loved his two books The Last Song and The Lucky One but I was disappointed by the movies. Although I still do watch these movies again I guess I would have to say I am a fan of Nicholas Sparks. Though I have watched the movie The Best of Me, I still plan on reading the book so that I can compare. I was told before by a professor that books and movies should not be compared as they are two different mediums, but I will go against this as sometimes I cannot help it.

I would have to say I did like this movie, although I do not relate to this in real life. Growing up I realized that movies are nothing like real life and movies today make me look at things differently. This movie does cover love and loss and everyone can relate to it, we all have those what if moments. The movie shows the couple seeing each other for one more time, this does not happen to all of us, but it was nice to see that in the movie it can gave us the chance to see what it “might” be like.

From what I can see from this movie you can re-unite with someone you were once in love with, but it does not lead to getting back together. Things cannot just go back to the way they were, you can see them again and still have feelings with them but sometimes getting back together just doesn’t happen. I guess having feelings for someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them, because of circumstances having them in your life is just as far as it can go. That’s ok, having someone in your life is better that not having them at all. Feelings can’t be helped and there are so many things in life that make being in a relationship complicated.

You can’t go back to the past and even if you do it won’t be the same.

#NicholasSparks #TheBestOfMe  

But Another Day

Its another day again that I'm trying to go back to the way things were before. So much has happened in the last three months, what more in a year. I learn something every day, I become stronger day by day. But I am still here wishing for you. I feel like I am going somewhere but away from from what I really want. I have accepted things or rather I am trying to accept things but all I want is you. I have no choice but to continue. Here I am lying in bed thinking about tomorrow, about next week, about next year. I want to know what will happen, will I still have these feelings.

#love #hope #tomorrow

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The dream I never wished for

I never thought you would make it as far as my dreams. I didn't want you there, I was doing so well until you entered a part of me that I loved. I love dreams, they take you to another world that could be. My dreams are the most weirdest dreams ever but I enjoy having dreams that are different to reality it makes my life more exciting. But that dream with you in it, was so awkward, why did I have to dream about you. You entered my mind again, that's the last thing I wanted, I wanted to move on. I thought I had moved on though you did cross my mind a lot but that was okay. I knew it would be normal to be have you in my thoughts, but it was going so well. I thought I reached so far, but you brought me back again. Searching for the reasons to why I dreamed about you is useless really. No one can give me the answer and I have to live with it.

I want things to go back to the way they were but I have accepted it, I know it won't. That's fine with me, I messed things up and I am dealing with the consequences but at the end of the day it still hurts.


#Dreams #life #reality