Finally

As I go on with my course, I am loving my course even more! Yesterday I was drained. After 2 hours of basketball and then another 2 hours of hunting for news I finally got to get a taste of what being a journalist is really like. Although I am aiming to work in a magazine when I am older, I am enjoying the activities and writings we have to do for our major subjects. This is what I was looking for since the 1st year of college; being able to finally write.

Together with my friend we went to seven different town halls and yes it was tiring and frustrating. However as I am an adventurous person I got to go to places I've never been to before. I got to go behind streets that I never even knew about; I got to go to places where the people where completely different to the usual day to day people that I see. They dressed more simpler, they wore slippers instead of shoes, they were dressed in t-shirt and shorts or maybe even jeans and they spoke in fluent Filipino no traces of English in their sentences.

One of the problems I encountered was the language barrier; I am used to friends talking in Filipino but mixed with English but then I experienced someone communicating with me and my friend in pure Filipino. It was difficult, I had to really pay attention and analyze what he was saying before I could process everything he was saying.

All in all I enjoyed what I got to experience I wouldn't mind doing it again. I can bring all these memories back in England. I can tell people I've been to all different kinds of places here in the Philippines and I am willing to go to even more places.

Lyrics With A Meaning

All this talking to you I don't know what I'm to do I don't know where you stand What's inside of your head 
All this thinking of you Is that what your doing too?You're always on my mind I talk about you all the time  
Don't waste another day Don't waste another minute I can't wait to see your face Just to show how much I'm in it So open up your heart Help me understand Please tell me who you are So I could show you who I am 

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/avril_lavigne/

These lyrics mean so much to me right now! I describes exactly how I feel. No other words can be used to describe my feelings.After listening to this song I got addicted to it and it made me miss listening to Avril Lavigne. I remember how I was a huge fan; I would copy the way she dresses, her make-up and hairstyles.

Oh those times! I wish I could go back to them.

Its loud for a reason
I refuse to turn it down

It beats like that for a reason
I refuse to let it stop me

The music won't stop
My ears won't give in

This isn't about love
This is about feelings

I can't explain
I don't know how

A confused girl
Traveling to her dreams

You'll see me there
Standing strong

With only happiness and gratefulness
Overpowering me

Blessed as usual, always blessed
Thankful for everything in my life

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DREAM

Doing what you want
Really believing yourself
Even leaving love ones behind
A sacrifice that must be made
My life, my way, my dream

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Everything Life

Clogged with work,
Clogged with worry.
Just hope and dreams.
Hope from you,
Dreams from the future;
Two intertwined
Running through my veins.

I wish I made sense.
I wish I knew my way
Around the confusions of life.

I won't complicate things
Neither will you ever know.
It isn't what they think it is.
Know one knows,
I'll just live as it comes.

Prayer, strength and unidentified motivation
Is all I have right now!

For A Friend

As you weep
As you cry
As you tumble down and die
Look around
And hear the sounds.

Those who stare
Those who care
Those who won't go anywhere.

Open your heart
Open your mind
Arms wide open.

This is your token.
Only love, love, love.

My Dream

I can smell it
I can touch it
I can feel it
I can hear it

Its right there
I know it

I dreamed a dream
But now its THE dream
Its my dream

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Is College Supposed To Be This Fun

High school was full of tears and finding myself. Being alone and trying to find out who my friends are and where I fit in. I remember roaming around and looking for friends. But now in college as I walk through the campus it's because I am being independent. I am finally doing something on my own. I made my own decision to come here and that is a start toward my dreams.

Being independent is one of the things I have learned at college. That is what I have always longed for, I strive for that freedom. I got it!

I got what I want. This is my second year at college and I have made so many memories! I have had so much fun and laughter I never experienced this back in high school. I don't want college to end, although I want to graduate and I am excited for it, I'm not in a rush. Unlike back in high school I was so excited to move away from home and to never have to face particular people ever again.

Back in high school if it wasn't at home where there was drama it was at school. Where ever I went drama chased me. Life is so different to back then. Here the only drama I have is, well grades. Apart from that, no rumors are spread about me, people know me, I have more friends and I am faced with no fights or tension at home.

I can concentrate on my studies and that is all I focus on because nothing drags me down anymore. I don't have anything to think or worry about, which is one of the best feelings.

Optimism

I have always been an optimistic person, it is such a great feeling. Being able to see the good sides in all problems that we face in life.

Whenever I see the good things in life I see how blessed I am. I see all the things that I am lucky to have. 

For me optimism goes a long way, it can get you far, it can make you reach your dreams. Being optimistic means you see all the other options in life. In means you see and take all opportunities in life. There is nothing bad about hoping,  hoping means you have something to look forward to! 

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I Know Who I Am, But Where Am I?

I was having a chat with a close friend earlier. She was telling me how she feels and I was telling her how I feel. I love having her around and she means so much to me. She is someone I can talk to about anything and everything. I am so glad I met her!

There is one thing that God gives me all the time wherever I go and that would be friends. God has never ever left me alone, although there are times that I feel lonely. Loneliness can really drag me down. It can really make me question where am I?

I have developed. I have improved. I have become better and stronger as a person. I am so proud of what I have, how far I've come and who I am. I don't regret anything. Apart from grades that are slightly improving I haven't given up; I don't intend on giving up. I have a dream and I am going towards that.

But where is my love life? What happened to it? Do I even need one? Why is it taking this long? Why am I even looking for it? Who says we need it in our lives? Why does it even exist? 

I don't want it, I mean I am happy with my life. But for some reason I urge for it. I urge for that sweetness that I see happen on tv. I hear stories from my friends, I don't get jealous but I wonder how comes I haven't experienced it yet. I don't have stories to tell where I can cry or laugh about. 

My past relationships don't even count. It was forced and I wasn't ready, I was copying others. I was going with the flow, however it went nowhere.

I know everything happens for a reason. I know maybe this is not the right time. I know that God has it all planned, its all there. That idea. But it just won't sink in. It won't program into my brain and heart. It hurts not to be able to relate to others, to not be able to experience this thing called "love." But I am happy with my life. I have family and friends why do I need a guy in my life? I wish someone could answer it for me. 

I wish someone could answer all this for me but I don't think anyone can. I think God will just show me these answers, and I guess I just have to trust him. I pray and tell him that its up to him now. But then I forget I don't know how to. I don't know where I'm going. 

I can officially say I have found who I am but not where I am right now. I want to be able to answer these questions or I want someone to explain this to me. But (again) why do we need love? Is having a crush or liking someone even real? I forgot what it felt like. I don't even know if my feelings are real. 

God. That's it really, I guess I will just rely on him even though I don't know how to do this. I am going to try my best to find answers to what I am feeling.