Love Doesn't Exist

Sadly my brain is programmed to live a life just like the movies. I believe in fairytales and happy endings.  Just writing this is making me cry. We believe in it so easily, this is all we look for in life. We have to grow up, I have to grow up. I will always believe in happy endings and fairy tales, though not everyone has theirs. Its so beautiful and amazing in the movies, if it exists there why can't we make it happen too? Why can't we make our lives into movies?

I hurt myself over thinking about love.  Actually I'm fine being single but everyday I wake up being reminded that I am. I don't need to be reminded.  I'm happy with my life.

I can live with it.

I have lived with it.

I am living with it.

I enjoy being single, why is it a big issue?

I came to the Philippines to work on myself, be more independent and have freedom.  I got it. Its not complete but I'm getting there. I'm even more confident than ever before and I feel it. I want "love" to just leave me for now; my feelings, my emotions. I want to feel like love doesn't exist.  I want to feel like I'm not capable of loving or being loved. Only I can love myself and I refuse to let anyone in.

I want to get rid of the idea and just live my life selfishly.  I want to be selfish and have myself all to myself.  Maybe if I'm strict on myself I will forget about love and I will live a life with no worries.

I want to love myself like I'm the only person I can love. Maybe then this will teach me a lesson.  It will make me respect myself.

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