Symphony Salad |
Never Stop Dreaming
Tuesday 24 March 2015
Monday 23 March 2015
First Few Months
I've lost friends , lost trust and lost hope. All of these has taught me something new, sadly learning them the hard way. I realized who my real friends are and I finally proved that it is not about the quantity but the quality of a friendship. I eventually opened my eyes to the fact that it really isn't about having loads of friends. It is best to just have a few friends and focus on them, building a stronger relationship with them.
All of this showed me that I should be more cautious with who I tell things to; not everyone needs to know you story because sometimes they're just there for the gossip.
I never thought I would lose trust in people, I've lost the trust in people and it really is hard to go back. It is hard to gain someone's trust. After my trust was broken by a lot of people I have now started to build a wall. I've finally built a wall so that not everyone can get through. I want to protect myself and make sure the same thing doesn't happen twice. I want to make sure I won't go back t the things that have hurt me. Once the damage is done, there's no going back.
Then there's hope, I hung onto a rope hoping one day I would reach the top. However, someone let go of that rope. I tried so hard to climb up the rope and even though my hands were giving up I hung on. Now I know that's not how it should have been. If someone wanted me to reach the top the would have pulled me up up and saved me. They would have never allowed me to hang onto a rope in the first place.
From this I've learned that if someone wants you in their life they will allow you without even asking. You will always have space for that special someone but sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're not not the one for them and they're not the one for you. That's okay, that's how we learn. We get pushed down and our eyes are opened to reality. It's not all about rainbows and butterflies, it's about how you survive through the rain, thunder, storm and lightning that attack you all at once.
I am proud of myself, sometimes I don't even know how I get through all of this. There were times I just wanted to hide and disappear but after realizing that I got this far, I stood back up again. I am done crying and moping around, I won't allow anyone to bring me down especially if it's not worth my time.
Everyone's time is precious no matter who you are so I guess it's best to spend it wisely. Hang out with friends and family, do what you want and keep on thinking positive even if you're looking into a black hole. It might not get you anywhere but it will keep you going.
Hope is like strings holding you up like a puppet, even if you didn't want to stand up, you're forced to stand up anyway. Give yourself no choice but to keep on going.
Something Perfect
Monday 9 March 2015
What Now?
I don't even know I mange to cope up with everything. I look back and feel so proud of myself because I definitely feel stronger. It's such a drag though, all these new things I'm learning and experiencing have downsides. All of it hasn't be easy, all of it has once dragged me done and somehow I'm still here. I don't want to run away but I feel like I'm just running into the fire naked.
#life #blog #me
Saturday 14 February 2015
What happens if your only support system breaks?
Thursday 22 January 2015
Philippines: Lessons Learned
Trying new things and going to new places really makes me fall even more in love with the Philippines. I love the feeling of doing something out of my comfort zone, it makes me learn more about myself. Trying new things makes me realize I am actually capable of doing more things than I think I can, just like the quote "you're stronger than you think you are." I think this definitely applies to me.
I feel like my life is so much better here, I have become so comfortable and I have an attachment now to the Philippines where I can't let go. I can't let go of all the memories I've made, of all the experiences I've had and the things that I have done.
I have learned so much I don't think I could ever leave. Everything I learned here in the Philippines has changed my outlook on life, it has opened my mind and made me realize so many things. I don't think this is a stepping stone, I can't describe what the Philippines has done to me, but I can definitely say that it's given my whole life shock and woken me up to all the possibilities in my life.
Not only has the Philippines taught me so much so has people, I have been deeply influenced by the people, I have lost friends, gained the most amazing friends and met so many different characters who each play a different role in my life. As I've told my friend before, I have learned how to keep and let go of friends, I know how to appreciate and treasure friends. My friends here in the Philippines have really helped me with everything that I've been through and am still going through. Some still teaching me, some are just there by my side the whole time and until now.
I guess all I can say is that everything may not to be perfect and yes I have a few scars and regrets but I chose to keep on going and looking at the brighter side of life. I refuse to let anything bring me down or even hurt me again. I have learned to be careful and to slow down, to think first and make sure what I'm doing is hopefully the right thing. Though I am still taking risks, I want to make sure I am enjoying and getting the thrill that I seek in life.
#life #risks #20s #philippines
Wednesday 31 December 2014
2015??
For 2014 I made a wish, I prayed and I prayed for something that I really wanted. I didn't think I would get it and I gave up. Then suddenly I received something unexpected and I got hurt. I wanted something happier, I got my taste of happiness but more pain and loss.
Last year I became a different version of myself, something I am not proud of. I shocked myself with the person I became doing things I never thought I was capable of doing.
Now I am lost, I don't know who I am anymore or what I want. I am too scared to wish for anything because I know it will not wbe what I expected but there is one thing I still have and will always have and that is hope. I will not give up. I will accept everything open handly and try to deal with things as best as I can. I will concentrate on myself this 2015. I will become a better version of myself and I will make things right again. I promise myself I will apply everything I learned last year in this year ahead.